In The Mind of a Kat

A messy journey through fandom, mental health and creative outlets

Some days it feels like I’m struggling through a thick, sticky, muddy soup in a roiling fog, with no way out. I’ve been so ridiculously tired that, when bedtime comes around, I’m out like Frazier vs Mike Tyson – it only takes 30 seconds. Why am I feeling like this? Is it just old age (editor: hey! I’m hardly ‘old’), or am I in a slump?

The answer is neither.

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I’ve made a pattern over on Etsy, y’all! It’s a super-simple crochet pattern that makes something useful, practical AND pretty.

To me, the puff stitch and bobble stitch are one in the same, but as I am not a full-time professional crochet-er, my opinion doesn’t count. But what does count is how soft and scrubby this washcloth is. I prefer to use these for bathing, but they work just as good for cleaning and washing dishes! You don’t have to take my word for it, though. Just look at how pretty these turned out!

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I’m great at shirking responsibilities.

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Y’all, this month is almost over, and honestly I cannot wait.

No, I’m not talking about Christmas. I’m not a big fan of the ‘holiday season,’ mostly for reasons I’m not going to to into today. But what I am talking about is the finish line for NaNoWriMo 2020. And boy oh boy, am I excited.

I’ve gotten about as far as I can in the story I’m writing that I feel like I need to patch it all together before I can truly write any more. And that’s understandable – the way I’ve been writing, everything is out of order and mixed in with other story ideas that don’t belong with what I’ve been working on. For the most part, though, I’ve been doing fairly decent on chipping away at my 50,000 word goal. Am I going to make it by November 30th?


No. That’s a big fat no.

At the moment I’m sitting just above 30k, which in my experience is fucking awesome. I don’t tend to stick with things very often, so I find it amazing that I lasted this long. And now that this month is winding to a close, I don’t feel bad about admitting that I feel so fucking tired. I’m tired of writing. I’m tired of not fixing weird spelling mistakes. I’m tired of staring at this awful computer screen (and that horrible notepad) while trying to come up with something fresh and exciting and original.

I’ve learned so much this past month about writing and imagination and grammar. I’ve learned that even if I think I’ve hit my limit on how weird I can make an imaginary situation for my characters, I can always find a little bit more awkwardness to throw in for the hell of it. Is any of this information going to be helpful to me in the future? Probably, if I decide to lose my mind again and do NaNoWriMo 2021.

Really, it wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be, but once I hit around 25,000 words, my internal motors sputtered and I had to shift into low gear. I’m okay with that, though, because hell, I did a lot in a short amount of time. Not only did I blow my Ao3 word count average out of the water, I found imagination reserves I didn’t even know I had.

Anyway, those are my thoughts on this super long, super wearying month. Now that I’ve taken a short break from fiction, I need to get back to it and churn out those words.

I have been falling behind in my posts. And I could come up with an excuse at the drop of the hat, but I won’t. I’m just lazy and can’t be bothered to update at the moment *shrug*.

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It’s not unusual to find me talking to myself. I do it while grocery shopping. I do it while cleaning. I do it lifting weights. When I talk to myself (let’s be truthful here, when I talk-sing to myself), I’m processing the thoughts in my head one at a time instead of a million at once.

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Can y’all believe it? The first week of NaNoWriMo is officially over! Only *insert click-clack abacus sounds* three weeks and change to go!

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